LETTERS ON SPIRITUAL FORMATION #28
The Role of People - Part 1
This is article is part of a series of letters on spiritual growth and maturity. To read the previous letter in the series, click here.
“Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Yours.”
So, why does God leave difficult people in your life?
What purpose could he have in leaving people that seem to be spiritual irritants to you? After all, he could make it easier by removing them (or refusing to create them at all), but he does not. Why would that be?
When I was younger, there was a particular person in my life who had become an irritant to me. Every time I was around this person they would annoy me. They seemed to think I was fond of them, as every time I was around them they would talk to me, give me a hug, and generally acted as if we had a relationship. Little did they know, it just frustrated me all the more. One particular morning, as I was praying, this person came to mind. Immediately I began to think of how much this person irritated me. It was a very spiritual moment. A picture of two magnets presented itself to my mind. When I was young the repelling force of two magnets fascinated me. Trying to force two magnets with the same charge to mesh together was an entertaining game.
In this picture, these two magnets were pushed toward each other and the sides with the same charge were facing each other. Each time they came close they would react against the other and each would repel the opposing magnet. In an instant I knew this was a picture depicting myself and this person. My irritation had more to do with me than with them. The Lord was showing me that the issues I had with this person were actually issues that had resided dormant in my own heart. Their magnet had the same charge as my own.
As water reflects the face, so the heart of man to man. Proverbs 27:19
This principle became readily apparent in a dream. One night, as I dreamt, a person I knew to be generally unhealthy in their emotional and mental state was standing before me. I was holding a gun. Slowly, I pointed the gun at the person standing in front of me and shot them in the eye. Next, I turned the gun on myself, pointed it at my eye, pulled the trigger, and then I awoke. While the imagery is fairly graphic (it was not actually very graphic in the dream itself), it conveyed a powerful message. I knew that the unhealthiness I saw in this person I needed to bring to death in myself.
Difficult people present the potential to fundamentally challenge the way that your brain has been formed. Jesus, the word of God, takes his statement seriously in Matthew 7.
“And why behold you the speck that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull the speck out of your eye; and, behold, a beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast out the speck out of your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:3-5
Often, the difficult people are there to show us that we have a log in our eye clouding our judgment of others. We see others through the lens that has been formed through our own experiences. When God brings a person into your life that is an irritant to you oftentimes it is to show you an issue in your own heart. The loving response is not to get irritated and distance yourself, but rather to ask God the question, “What do I see in them that needs to die in me?”
So, why does God leave difficult people in your life? What purpose could he have in leaving people that seem to be spiritual irritants to you?
David said regarding God, “Your thoughts towards me are as numerous as the sands on the seashore.” Every one of those thoughts has the ability to rewire your brain.
Laying the axe to the root of the tree means our patterns and habits of response dictated by the formation of our brain must change.
My wife and I were great friends before we started dating. We spent a year developing a deep friendship before we became romantically involved. It took all of a week for the openness we had cultivated as friends to be challenged by pre-conditioned responses ingrained from past pain.
Imagine that your brain is like a forest. There is a vast interconnectedness of leaves, branches, and underbrush. You decide one day to carve a path through this forest.
The revelation of his care in the midst of my inability to walk in the way of holiness completely undid me. As I was in this gathering, teaching these students, the revelation of that care hit me.
Dark nights of spiritual struggle are not normal seasons of the spiritual life. There will be seasons of great joy, increasing fruit, successful initiatives, incredible intimacy, watching others frolic and play with God, sweetness before the Lord, and many other incredible moments to celebrate in the grand scheme of life in God.
...the dark night begins to effectively erode pride from your life, and you become more fully aware of your brokenness then you have ever been.
The ongoing cycle of spiritual growth will include periods of dryness, emptiness, and perceived distance from God. They are all designed for your benefit.
Our temporary pain betrays the eternal love of God. He is more concerned about your eternal destiny than he is in your temporal comfort.
When I would ask my father questions about the bible or theology, he would never give me a straight answer. He would maybe give a couple of thoughts, point out a verse or two, and then leave it at that...
Sometimes our pain tells us the degree of separation between our God-breathed destiny and the reality of our actual day to day life.
As those who are united with God are joined together with his Spirit, there is a beautiful harmony in the way life is shared in this metaphor. The vine exists to nourish, feed, and grow the branches, the branches exist to bear the fruit of the vine.
Developing disciplines in your life makes room on a consistent basis for God to speak to you, and for you to respond to his presence.
We fail to realize that the question, “What should I do?” is often unanswerable for this simple reason: if God were to answer it directly we would either run from the answer because of the immensity of the task or fall into pride over the great plan he has for us.
As man is united to God physically, his actions begin to change. There is an observable difference in who he was and who he is becoming.
Man and woman, who are of the same flesh, cleave to one another. God who is Spirit creates man with a spirit, and calls man to also cleave to himself.
You are made in the image of the God who is light. You are to grow in this light, and as you grow you will partake in the very nature of God. This is a mystery.
When your framework, or your total expression, is integrated with the truth of who God created you to be, peace reigns. This is the united heart.
Truth is that which straightens what is twisted. It makes our ways straight. The light within you will either twist or straighten. It will lead to righteousness or licentiousness. It will hurt or heal you.
Proverbs provides us with the clue to understand the function of our spirit: "The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all the inner depths of the heart."
As you grow closer to Jesus, light shines upon you to reveal his thoughts about you. This is your original and true design. This light brings truth.
It was the twisting of the perception that Adam and Eve had regarding themselves and regarding God that caused them to fall. This twisting changed their belief structure.
There exist beliefs that we hold at the core of our being, regardless of how true they are. These beliefs are shaped by our triumphs, failures, courageous moments, fears, successes, hurts, and many others moments in life.
There are numerous examples in scripture where, in a moment, God defines an individual. For Moses he said, "I have known you by name and you have found favor in my sight" and "the man Moses was the most humble man on the face of the earth." For David he whispered, "You are my friend," and "Seek my face."
For weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about these dreams. I shared them with friends, I mulled over them, and I prayed about them. My spirit was troubled.
How do we grow in Christlikeness when we are still stuck in pain and trauma? The first step in embracing the character of Christ is embracing the healing of Christ.
The underlying principle behind God leaving difficult people in your life is this: If a difficult person in your life needed a touch from God, God would never be able to send them to you.