Letters on Spiritual Formation #2
Introduction to the Letters on Spiritual Formation - Part 2
This is Part 2 of 4 in a series of letters on spiritual growth and maturity. To read the first letter in the series, click here.
Lessons from Pain
When I was 18 I went through particularly painful family situation. I was hurt by both of my parents, but the outlet of my anger was directed mostly towards my father. I spent 7 years languishing, and never even coming close to realizing any potential I had in my life. I had no deep connection, no fulfillment. I spend most of my time depressed. I was a relational mess.
And then I had two dreams.
In the first dream my father was preaching at me. It was a pretty simple dream, not much else happened. Yet, in the dream I was very angry. The anger in the dream lingered as I awoke.
The next night I had a dream that a demon was chasing me. I had been able to stay one step ahead of it, but it was out for my life and any wrong move would doom me. I had nowhere to go or no one to turn to. I could only keep running. I was terrified, and as I awoke, like the night before, the fear took a while to recede while lying in my bed.
For weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about these dreams. I shared them with friends, I mulled over them, and I prayed about them. My spirit was troubled.
It took me a little while, but eventually a truth dawned on me, as if light had enlightened my thinking. I realized that I had no one to turn to in the demon dream because I would not hear the help my father could give. I realized, in that moment, just how much my anger towards my father hindered and influenced my ability to turn towards God. I had no one to turn to for spiritual help because of the great anger I harboured towards my father. The pain of my parent’s divorce impacted how I would view any father in my life, and ultimately God as father.
“Pain can be a great teacher when we treat it appropriately.”
Just like the little boy, we never quite feel safe around the things that have hurt us. In some ways, we never grow past the little boy stage because of these reactions. Pain can be a great teacher when we treat it appropriately. While the fire caused the pain, it was his lack of understanding and his subsequent assumptions that impacted his life. If we embrace the painful moments in our lives, we can embrace the deep lessons that these moments bring. Pain can cause us to ask probing questions about ourselves and others, our world view and our assumptions.
Why did I do this?
Why do I always seem to do this?
Why do I keep my distance?
Why, when I want to feel loved and accepted do I do things that seemingly sabotage that very desire?
Most of us have asked these questions at some point in our lives. We get stuck in reaction/avoidance mentality. We react to the pain, then form habits that will keep us safe from any further pain. Like the little boy, we never reevaluate our approach to curiosity. The little boy would have best served his inquisitiveness by asking his mother about the little flickering light. But he didn't and he got hurt. He will become curious again, and he will be hurt again. The questions we must ask ourselves when faced with painful situations are “What drove us here?” and “What do we need to face within ourselves to be free from what drove us?”
So, why does God leave difficult people in your life? What purpose could he have in leaving people that seem to be spiritual irritants to you?
David said regarding God, “Your thoughts towards me are as numerous as the sands on the seashore.” Every one of those thoughts has the ability to rewire your brain.
Laying the axe to the root of the tree means our patterns and habits of response dictated by the formation of our brain must change.
My wife and I were great friends before we started dating. We spent a year developing a deep friendship before we became romantically involved. It took all of a week for the openness we had cultivated as friends to be challenged by pre-conditioned responses ingrained from past pain.
Imagine that your brain is like a forest. There is a vast interconnectedness of leaves, branches, and underbrush. You decide one day to carve a path through this forest.
The revelation of his care in the midst of my inability to walk in the way of holiness completely undid me. As I was in this gathering, teaching these students, the revelation of that care hit me.
Dark nights of spiritual struggle are not normal seasons of the spiritual life. There will be seasons of great joy, increasing fruit, successful initiatives, incredible intimacy, watching others frolic and play with God, sweetness before the Lord, and many other incredible moments to celebrate in the grand scheme of life in God.
...the dark night begins to effectively erode pride from your life, and you become more fully aware of your brokenness then you have ever been.
The ongoing cycle of spiritual growth will include periods of dryness, emptiness, and perceived distance from God. They are all designed for your benefit.
Our temporary pain betrays the eternal love of God. He is more concerned about your eternal destiny than he is in your temporal comfort.
When I would ask my father questions about the bible or theology, he would never give me a straight answer. He would maybe give a couple of thoughts, point out a verse or two, and then leave it at that...
Sometimes our pain tells us the degree of separation between our God-breathed destiny and the reality of our actual day to day life.
As those who are united with God are joined together with his Spirit, there is a beautiful harmony in the way life is shared in this metaphor. The vine exists to nourish, feed, and grow the branches, the branches exist to bear the fruit of the vine.
Developing disciplines in your life makes room on a consistent basis for God to speak to you, and for you to respond to his presence.
We fail to realize that the question, “What should I do?” is often unanswerable for this simple reason: if God were to answer it directly we would either run from the answer because of the immensity of the task or fall into pride over the great plan he has for us.
As man is united to God physically, his actions begin to change. There is an observable difference in who he was and who he is becoming.
Man and woman, who are of the same flesh, cleave to one another. God who is Spirit creates man with a spirit, and calls man to also cleave to himself.
You are made in the image of the God who is light. You are to grow in this light, and as you grow you will partake in the very nature of God. This is a mystery.
When your framework, or your total expression, is integrated with the truth of who God created you to be, peace reigns. This is the united heart.
Truth is that which straightens what is twisted. It makes our ways straight. The light within you will either twist or straighten. It will lead to righteousness or licentiousness. It will hurt or heal you.
Proverbs provides us with the clue to understand the function of our spirit: "The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all the inner depths of the heart."
As you grow closer to Jesus, light shines upon you to reveal his thoughts about you. This is your original and true design. This light brings truth.
It was the twisting of the perception that Adam and Eve had regarding themselves and regarding God that caused them to fall. This twisting changed their belief structure.
There exist beliefs that we hold at the core of our being, regardless of how true they are. These beliefs are shaped by our triumphs, failures, courageous moments, fears, successes, hurts, and many others moments in life.
There are numerous examples in scripture where, in a moment, God defines an individual. For Moses he said, "I have known you by name and you have found favor in my sight" and "the man Moses was the most humble man on the face of the earth." For David he whispered, "You are my friend," and "Seek my face."
For weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about these dreams. I shared them with friends, I mulled over them, and I prayed about them. My spirit was troubled.
How do we grow in Christlikeness when we are still stuck in pain and trauma? The first step in embracing the character of Christ is embracing the healing of Christ.
The underlying principle behind God leaving difficult people in your life is this: If a difficult person in your life needed a touch from God, God would never be able to send them to you.